Miracle Drug Solves Everything

The charge to anguish (or panic) is over Genetic scientists arise today that they accept apparent all the world's problems. The abominable account was arise this morning by Secretary of State for Mutant Affairs and Extinction Management, Jane Fibbs, as she triumphantly addressed the apple via brainy letters democratically imbedded into accepted TV programmes such as Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and Spot the Celebrity Brain. She declared that, "The charge for anyone to illegally agnosticism this government anytime afresh is able-bodied and absolutely over acknowledgment to the latest phenomenon advance by advisers at the acclaimed top abstruse Frankenstein Institute in Apocalypse, Missouri." This account comes as something of a abruptness to agitator factions such as voters, the boilerplate classes, the alive classes and added careless minorities who were assertive that geneticists had accustomed them aberrant lumps, breath difficulties and added exceptionable irritations such as the New Apple Order. But everybody's troubles are now, probably, over and we can all attending advanced to a new Golden Age of annihilation bad anytime accident afresh acknowledgment to the Frankenstein Institute's $4,000 billion four-year analysis programme. Code-named Project Completely Sensible, advisers affianced in an aggressive seek for the band-aid to two of the world's above problems: a curtailment of bend allowance on an over-populated planet and a curtailment of money in the under-funded coffer accounts of shareholders of the Frankenstein Institute The band-aid that the Institute's committed aggregation accept arise up with is broadly accounted by experts all above the Frankenstein Institute to be so complete and fool-proof and after any accepted side-effects or after-effects whatsoever that neither the government nor the biologic industry charge worry. This is so abundant the case that anyone who enters any negativity into the affairs by autograph acerb online writing or belittling Facebook posts about it it will anon be arrested by an aristocratic band of Green Berets, bound up in a psychiatric academy and accept their academician re-wired with drugs. To those of you who advance that such analysis is a tad harsh, Ms Fibbs retorted, "No, it isn't." She again went on to explain that in any case, harbouring doubts about your democratically adopted absolutism is now actionable and those who advance that bodies accept built-in rights are reminded that, no they don't. The Constitution was abolished endure Tuesday by the Democratic Committee for the Abolition of the Constitution if it was accepted above agnosticism by a columnist absolution from the appointment of the President that its agreeable was abundantly alienated and ran adverse to the basic appropriate of bunch corporations to be actionable and/or bones the planet. There will apparently be a brainy implant announcement this accessory built-in acclimation next year. The President himself, speaking at the barrage of the National Big Brother antagonism - in which the lives of all citizens will be secretly televised to an admirers of Homeland Security specialists - took abeyance to congratulate the Frankenstein Institute for its "sterling work." President Stalin is acclaimed for accepting the world's aboriginal cloned President and was genetically engineered in a class in Zimbabwe to accept no accepted sense. He went on to say, "There are those who advance that the acknowledgment to the anarchy and disability that has fabricated an under-populated and hardly developed planet arise brimming is to run things bigger and stop accepting stupid. But we say there is no charge to go to such amazing lengths if we accept at our auctioning the agency to boggle foolishly with genes." And he added, "The Frankensteins accept apparent us the way forward. The acknowledgment to a apple that appears baby is to accomplish animal beings even smaller!"Lilliput HD monitor The abstruse agency to accomplish the age-old ambition of authoritative animal beings actual baby comes in the anatomy of the "Lilliput Drug." Scientists acclaimed that animal beings, abnormally in America, accept been accepting beyond and beyond and predicted that by the year 2100 the boilerplate American macho will be over 20 anxiety alpine and about as advanced and counterbalance about three tons. The ache on the Earth's assets of added ample animal bodies is obvious: beyond bodies eat added aliment and absorb added capital nutrients such as coffee and alcohol, crave beyond doses of drugs (or bullets) to sedate or annihilate them, charge bigger cars and houses, use added toilet paper, yield up added allowance and so on. The acknowledgment to the botheration is obvious: accomplish animal beings smaller. If, bearing by generation, animal beings could be genetically engineered to be progressively abate in size, accession over time at what is believed to be the ideal admeasurement for a animal accepting - almost four inches in acme and 5 pounds in weight - massive accumulation will be fabricated on the burning of the Earth's resources. At those ideal dimensions, it has been affected that the absolute citizenry of the planet could reside calmly on the Isle of Wight and be fed by the agronomical achievement of Angola. In added words, as the admeasurement of animal beings shrinks, the apple will, from our perspective, assume to abound beyond and beyond until it corresponds with the about admeasurement of Jupiter. This will accord anybody a lot added bend room. There would be an added account in that labour will be a lot added adequate for mothers giving bearing to accouchement who with anniversary bearing are almost bisected the admeasurement of the antecedent generation. This dream has now become accessible with the development of the Lilliput Pill. The bolus was abundantly activated on elephants at the New York City Zoo and the after-effects of those abstracts will be on affectation to the accessible as anon as the alleged "Lilliput Elephants" can be coaxed out from beneath the daybed in the manager's office. The new admiration drug, which has to be taken circadian from bearing until old age or compulsatory sterilisation (whichever is the sooner) will anon be activated on bodies by authoritative it accessible on decree or over the adverse at biologic stores. Next year, burning of the Lilliput Biologic will be fabricated compulsatory for all citizens and those who abatement will be acclaim abiding to see the absurdity of their means by accepting bound up after trial. The government insists that this admeasurement is not absolute as it alone weeds out those who disagree with the government, a admeasurement which any getting in his appropriate apperception and not a agitator sympathiser accept to accede with. Those necessarily absolved for the new compulsatory abbreviating will be, a part of others, the owners of bunch corporations, government officials, the aggressive and the police. All these will be acceptable to absorb their accepted size.Lilliput touchscreen manual It is appropriately believed that if all added bodies are four inches or beneath in height, it will be easier for the armament of law and adjustment to actually brand out bone and/or terrorism. And appropriately save on the amount of bullets. The alone known, balmy ancillary furnishings anyone charge not anguish about at all - afar from accepting formed on by government admiral - will be accepting chased by bodies or agitated off by starlings. However, to action such fears, scientists at the Brain-u-Like Institute accept arise a solution. They accept apparent the actuality of a ahead alien brainy affliction alleged TAD (Tiny Aversion Disorder) and developed a biologic that will cede anyone agitated off by starlings, eaten by voles or mown down by stampeding cockroaches awfully blessed about the accomplished experience.Lilliput 7-inch lcd monitor Related News "Human Abbreviating affairs do not go far enough!" says arguable group. The UK-based "Miniscule Society", an agitator adjunct of the AMF, the American Mini-me Federation, today caked contemptuousness on the government's affairs to abate bodies to four inches in height. Posting on Facebook just afore he was arrested by a nine hundred able force of FBI agents backed up by tanks and surface-to-surface missiles, a agent for the accumulation accused the government of a cabal to abjure bodies their basic rights to be actual tiny indeed. Claiming that if animal beings were bargain to the acme of one millimetre, the absolute citizenry of the apple could reside in a individual fallout apartment and absorb just one tin of spam per day... "